When You Love to Hate Doing it To Yourself?

Why do you do you, when you want to be somebody else?

A discussion of what and why of you, I, and us.

There must be some kind of way outta here
Said the joker to the thief
There’s too much confusion
I can’t get no relief… Bob Dylan, 1967

The Question

The question of “what are we doing on this planet,” is a poor question. The question is a wild goose chase. A better question is “why are you on this planet?” Yet even this question may end up being a bit of a rambling and wandering around. The most direct and paramount question is “who are you… on this planet?” The answer determines or sets up what you do and why you are doing it. 

The most important question to ask yourself and answer for yourself is, “who am I?” It is deep and personal that no one else can do. Which sets up your existential meaning and purpose. The question of “who am I” is like a tuning fork to discover your resident or referent frequency. Or like tossing a pebble in a quiet pond. This question makes waves that ripple across the entire pond and extend far beyond the initial splash. The sound of the initial splash is not only heard once, but is felt in the depths that are unseen.

It is not what you do, think, feel, or believe. Those questions are secondary and result from who you are. If you are a slave, you will work, think that you are not deserving, feel oppressed and believe you have a tough existence. Stop and consider for a moment that your life and existence depend upon who you have determined yourself to be. This may seem to be an exaggeration. But the question of “who am I” is the most important question that will determine your existence. The answer to who you are, determines what, when, where how and why you do what you do. It also determines your operation system (OS) or program of analysis, interpretation, synthesis, innovation, execution and adaption. It is how you operate and relate to both your inner and external world. Some folks call this “mindset.” 

The Chicken and the Egg

The foundation is the “who and why.” The who and why are closely related. It’s like the chicken and egg question of which came first, the chicken or the egg? Well before the chicken appeared on earth, why did the chicken want to come to earth? To eat worms and insects, to lay eggs, to be a source of protein, to experience being a chicken or perhaps a pet or was it, karmic propensity? These are all options of experience. 

Well, how does a chicken get to earth, via an egg or an egg-shaped alien craft? Lol. Of course, this is just a philosophical dog chasing after its tail for exercise. It’s using philosophy and logic to answer an existential question. It would be best to ask the chicken. And the chicken really needs to ask and answer for themselves. Am I a chicken or an egg? The who and why answers of meaning and purpose are revealed during the process of being a chicken or an egg. Point is, it’s a rare bird that ponders “who am I?”

Most folks never ask or even consider the possibility of asking and answering who and why are they on this planet. If a person asks, they are often given guidance via the context of their localized religious culture; whether it be church, walk about, sweat lodge or vision quest. However, if a person is not part of their religious community, rarely are they encouraged or given advice on how to go about this. If this question comes to mind, it is often because they feel they are in hell. Then it’s the cult of misfits, or under the guise of some form of pathology and therapy. 

There is the similar discussion in physics. Which is energy is potential (egg) or kinetic (chicken). In the various forms of the discussions, it is presented as a simple “either or” problem. None-the-less failing to consider the real lesson or revelation. The revelation is that the chicken (kinetic) energy and the egg (potential) energy are both forms, phases of dynamic flow. It is not “either or,” but “both and.” It is the “dynamic flow” which enables an infinite spectrum of realities, understanding and opportunity. The Taoist note this as “the way (Wu Wei).” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wu_wei)    

Programing

The usual programing is that our childhood experiences and what we are told by our parents, family, peers, society and culture, of who we are, sets the foundation of our experience. The first 7-10 years of our life environment and experience lays down the basic software/OS of how we view ourselves, our environment and future (AT Beck, a cognitive behavioral psychologist). And subsequently connect and relate with our environment and our life both internally and externally. We are programed via our environment. In a genuine sense, we are products of our environment. Thus, we strive to play the game of life the best we can according to the view of ourselves via the rules we learned in childhood. We then ask ourselves the question, “what can I do about my life situation to deal with and improve my lot in life?” So, we end up chasing our tail like a mad dog. Maybe it’s diet, exercise, education, an ideal mate, therapy, meditation, etc.; the list is endless. Many things may help a bit, but until you address the central question of “who are you,” what you do is mostly a fool’s game of chasing your tail. 

Psych Side Note: It is in developmental psychology a person does not have the cognitive capacity of self-reflection. The awareness and ability of introspection to ask of themselves who they are, what they are doing and why. This ability begins during the teen years and full capacity is attained in the mid-twenties. Of course, some folks many have a natural talent for something such as music, art, sports, etc. but the question is, is this who they determine themselves to be, i.e., who they are versus they inherently do?  (https://lovechangegrow.com/parenting-part-4-of-5/)

Rant: Much of our current modern life is focused on the external game of chasing bliss, love, nirvana, etc. meanwhile being extorted for bits of money, time or life-force for sparkly trinkets. Never asking or prescribing the question of “who am I?” Without the serious consideration of who we are, we have easily been led around by the nose of our parents, leaders, etc. I often wonder if we, the inhabitants of this planet, are beginning the transition from childhood to the teen years. That is discovering who we are and what we can do.  

The Realization of the Red-Hot Poker

For the last 70-80 years, the question of “who you are” has come out of the meditative cave. There have always been a few philosophers and mystics amongst us, but we could not recognize or misunderstood what they offered… because we were too busy being chased or chasing our tail in the Darwinian hunger game. Frequently, it is only in our exhaustion that we ask of why the hell am I chasing my tail? The stopping and asking “why” the first step on the path, it is why. The why question shows awareness. It is the recognition of one’s hell. Ahh so…, hell can be a good thing… a red-hot poker that prods us along? It is quite rare that anyone tells you that… “oh hell, you’re doing great… (when you recognize you are in hell.”) 

What… you mean I can change? Many folks have never even thought they could change “who they are.” Only thinking and feeling at best some minor alteration in lifestyle such as diet, exercise, a new mate, taking some medication or some new meditation. And now there is technology to change our physiology with hormones. Rant: Which only changes one’s appearance, maybe a bit of their thoughts and feelings. The difficulty is changing one’s internal view of themselves of “who they BELIEVE they are.” In psychological terms, this is “personality re-construction” which is thought to be a cumbersome and lengthy therapeutic process. And the quicker technique is that “actions change your thinking faster than thinking will change your actions.” In other posts, I stress the notion of “being or to be” is a more potent change mechanism. I.e., “be the change you wish to be, if you want something, be it and give it and it will be.”  

Eventually, at some point, we realize, “who” is in hell and why am I, getting poked with this damm hot poker? This is where the inner journey begins, “who in hell am I?” Hell is the red-hot path that can be as long or short as you want. The problem is that we want hell to be a quick path, but it ends up long because we don’t know what to do. And that is the hell of it.

What to Do?

What to do is to ask the question. Not just any question, but the question of “who am I?” Don’t run around asking everyone and everything “who am I?” You will get an infinite number of opinions of who you should be; but mostly the response, “are you nuts? You are you… duh.” You are simply asking the wrong folks.

Instead, look within, be in silence, whisper the question into the heart of yourself. When you are silent, the question of “who am I?” will expand and reverberate throughout the eternity of your being. Remain in your position of silence, listening for your answer in and from the silence. Discern what are the resounding echoes of your programmed experiences versus whispers from your divine. The instructions are easy, the task may not be easy. Essentially, it is getting rid of the weeds, preparing the soil and planting the seed. Success comes from the discipline of tending your garden. It helps to have a master gardener to mentor or guide, but they cannot work your garden for you. This is the internal path. The path back home to you being the gardener of your own soul.

The Gardening Pattern

Gardening is an elegant metaphor. It is intuitive, provides a framework of seasons and cycles. And note the tasks of each season. In late winter, you have the image of the garden. Spring attends to the planning and preparation. Summer is about the routine of daily work. Fall is harvesting the fruits. And winter is about renewal and rebirth. In a short growing season, there is the vision, expression, and reflection of your divinity. You plant your seed in the unknown; it grows (takes form) and it is reflected in reality. 

It’s What You Sow

It is an opportunity to learn about being attentive and receptive. You learn to use your intuition, vision, and organization (head). Using your heart via hope, faith and love to till the fertile ground. The soul (consciousness) which reveals (reflects) the body (physical reality) all things.  

This reality becomes that which you are. And you are that which is. If you dislike what is reflected to you, then you recognize you are the one that changes… or not. 

The reason planet Earth is a tough school is that it is the stark reality of you. A reflection of you. The reality is because of your choice. Horror and terror are your awareness. The realization that it is you who chooses your reality. This is the heaven and hell of responsibility. But once you understand “your choice and responsibility thereof,” you learn about the opportunity of “grace.” Grace is simply the recognition that you can change. That you can let go of the past and forgive yourself. That you can learn to do something different. And thus create a distinct reality of yourself. This is the “free will school” of the earth. This is where the lessons of sovereignty, integrity, compassion, and gracefulness come to be the tools of creating your reality. 

The most important question is “who am I?” This question, and the answer is the premise and presumption of what your reality is and will be. Because the answer is I am. The “I am” is the masculine statement. It is the sperm, the seed frequency of potential that is planted into the feminine. And if the frequency resonates with the egg, a new creation is brought forth in the womb of reality. 

This is nothing new. Whether in Christianity, tantric Hinduism, Buddhism, Aboriginal cosmology, Taoism, etc., it is merely an esoteric interpretation. Currently, what is different is the revelation. In the past, this esoteric knowledge was only known to the initiates of secret societies. Now, we are in a time of revelation. Revelations are quickening, oozing out all over, in many forms and ways. The veil is thinning, perhaps almost gone. When there is no longer the veil, all is seen, all is transparent and naked. Is this the great opportunity, a great shaking of frequencies heralding the alchemical/spiritual second coming, the second birth, a new reality? 

Who are you? What is your frequency? How shall you create? What is your foundation? Is it sovereignty, integrity, compassion and grace… or something else? Are you ready? Are you experienced? And the answers are: “I am… !” First is what you KNOW (internally) your self to be. And second, is what you present (externally) to the your environment, i.e., to your world of who you are. And last, but not least, is alignment of both the internal and external to be one and the same.

Next week, a discussion of what we can do now that lays the foundation as our new being emerges.

Blessings,

Tim