Search for Connection
One of the basic drives in the human condition is connection. The search for connection is the human experience. The spark at the moment of conception; sperm and the egg connect and a new life is created. In the womb, the connection is the oceanic experience with the mother. When an infant is born, the moment of their first breath is the connection with the world. A baby, toddler and child; the connection is about learning what, why and how to connect with the world. Later childhood connection is about establishing social interactions with peers. During this time, the drive/motivation is to be a part of a tribe, crew or team. The teen experience is discovering their internal sense of meaning and purpose and connecting it externally to their expanding world. It is the what, why and how will they connect their personal agency/identity to interact to their expanding world? The 20’s “grit” age is establishing themselves and their connection with work, recreation and relationships.
Connections allow a view into the how, what and why of a person’s behavior, thinking and feelings. Connections reflect the links between thoughts, feelings and being evidenced by behavior and actions. During my graduate counseling psychology program, a professor introduced the concept of nodal interviewing or investigation. It’s basically the idea that beliefs, memories, action and experiences are inter-connected like a plant’s root system. It’s a technique of asking questions and seeing where the responses lead. The nodes are where belief, memory, action or experience connects or intersect and branches to another belief, memory, action or experience. It’s basically a ball of roots. Of course, the bigger/substantial roots are the main pathways. This is like the plasticity of neuro-pathways and “what fires together wires together.” For example, this technique asks a question of “what did you think of…?” The person responds and you keep on following that root and tell it runs out. Or shifts from a thought to a feeling, memory or experience and then you follow branch of root until it either runs out or shifts. It is a way to investigate how a person operates. Finding a block or knot of twisted up energy and provides a view of what is happening and what needs some therapeutic attention. In massage and bodywork, the practitioner works on a physical pain or knot and it sets off memories, experiences and feelings of a painful or traumatic experience. It does not matter where one starts; whether it’s at the level of thoughts, physical pain, other another sense such as smell or taste. It’s all connected.
Connection happens! Both internally, externally, on many levels. It can be connections of similar values, beliefs, experiences, social, cultural, etc. “Six degrees of separation” turned around, becomes, that within six connections the entire planet is inter-connected. Consider that in six or fewer connections, we are connected with another person from another part of the world, with a different skin color and is of a different culture. Social media platforms work similarly but via digitally coded algorithms for connectivity. Connection provides us access, affiliations, alliances and shows affinities and differences.
In several posts I have alluded to conscious entanglement. And have questioned the possibility of using our hearts and consciousness to connect with no physical/digital technology gadgets. And have wondered if we can use our God/source given conscious and heart capacity to establish connections beyond the confines of technology, space and time.
We cannot help but be connected. There are many connections. The questions are, what are we choosing as our connection and how are we to connect? Consider all the ways to connect the various carriers/providers with what, how and to whom? Do we use a 3rd party vendor and their technology? Or can use our hardware of our physical body, the software (operating system) of consciousness and the entangled field to connect? Of course, there are many levels of connections and mediums; such as writing, conversation, music, videos, etc.
There is the quality of connection. In the past two decades, the quality of connection via technology has exploded. When I was a kid, we were on a party line. You would pick up the telephone to call someone and someone would already be on the line and you would have to wait your turn until the line became clear. Early cell phones were unreliable with coverage and often with static and drop-out. It improved with fiber optics. The sound was incredible; it was clear with only a tad of latency. Now we have video, zoom, live-casting, etc. on are smart phones. It’s a portal to the digital space or metaverse. But do we have to limit and regulate this technology? There will be more technological advancements to enhance the digital connection. The questions continue to emerge of who, what, how, where and when of this technology. Is it to be contained, de-centralized, transparent, managed etc. and who’s benefits and in what capacity?
I wonder if we can further develop the ability to connect with our heart and consciousness? For example, an artist, musician, poet can transform the archetypal or mythic into an art piece, song or writing that connects with the heart and consciousness of another, across time and space. That is sublime and is more than the mere art form, words or the notes of music that connects us to the ineffable, beyond our everyday experience.
Sublime entanglement can be more expansive and substantial than real life. Friends, family and lovers connect and communicate without saying a word. In an instant endless moment where space, time and the surrounding world fades away. Where there is only a connection between two souls. A mere glance, and sensed feelings between those who are thousands of miles apart. Folks have noted synchronicity or just looking up at the moon and the stars and knowing there is connection. Even with loved ones who have passed-on; but remain connected within the spaces of the heart. In some cultures, communicating with the deceased is not considered a strange or unhealthy phenomenon.
I wonder if sublime connection is always accessible. Only needing to be acknowledged. And with a bit of learning on how to create the space and make a conscious intention. I wonder if through the “I’s” words, music, pictures, art forms are dialing the phone number and using our heart creates a connection to access another node of multi-dimensional space? Are we able to experience direct connections? Is this our ability to go beyond the time and space machines of science fiction… to new realities of being?
For millennia, shaman and crones made concoctions, read signs and symbols to guide them through unseen worlds. There were the initiated yogis, adepts and gifted that studied and trained. In the mid-1800s early 1900s there was the development of the occultist and spiritualist movements. During, the 50s and 60s Eastern thought, meditation and yoga came to the West. Ushered in was cosmic consciousness, psychedelic fueled adventures and the “new age.” And since then, there have been decades of trying all kinds of weird and crazy contraptions, concoctions and techniques.
Are we at the precipice? Ready to step onto the rainbow bridge (connection, experience) toward a new way of being. I wonder if teaching conscious connection are the first steps to start the journey across the bridge to unknown portals of connection? Discovering other modes of connection. It is amazing that young children can work their way around a smart phone. I wonder what would happen if children taught us how to connect and play, using empathy, sharing and unity?
There seems to be a growing concern that many school-aged children are having difficulty with isolation, depression and social anxiety. Common sense and the developmental perspective notes that ages 7 to 14 are the prime time for developing socialization, communication and fluency (see Parenting and Socialization). However, many school-age children are having limits and containments imposed upon them during this developmental phase. This may provide the opportunity for parents and children to realize, seek and develop alternative ways and resources for connecting. Perhaps this is the opportunity to learn how to use both the digital technology side and the “conscious entanglement” side to connect the entire planet. I wonder if encouraging parents to focus on helping children to gain awareness, empathy and graceful connection with others will connect us to an improved planetary experience?
In the case of a general social anxiety brought about by social isolation or perhaps frequent moving to a new community or school, etc. Characteristics of social anxiety is withdrawal, not knowing what to do (fear) that can cause further social isolation and becomes a deficit of communication skills. But primarily it’s the underlying fears of not knowing what to do nor having experience that result in a lot of an internal feeling of fear and low self-confidence and apparent inability to put one’s self out there in the social mix with their peers. The potential remedy is fairly straightforward. And this is to listen and acknowledge your child’s feelings of being a hot mess. But you encourage their dreams of connection and place an emphasis on teaching them. Specifically, on how to engage socially with their peers, whether it be on-line, in person or via writing, music, poetry, etc. Simply have them first practice asking questions of interest and to compliment things that their peers may value. For example, either a question or a statement of “oh I like that music” or “oh wow, who do you like… this musician/artist or a comparative one?” Or asking your child, “what do you think your friend is feeling and why?” What you are doing, is that you have first acknowledged their feelings of inadequacy by listening. But then have moved on to focused demonstration, encouragement of “focusing on the other” (which is leveraging their desire to connect). You are not ignoring their feelings of inadequacy, but focusing on an actionable behavior that will give them an opportunity to experience a successful interaction/connection. Then with their experience of successful interaction/connection. They realize this is pretty easy, that they are the recipient of a fun social experience and will want to have more of these. This stuff is emotional and/or social IQ. It is not some magical inherent talent but is a teachable and learnable skill. This is basic communication; simply taking an interest and asking questions. It is known and well researched that a significant part of success is the ability to communicate. One of the core skills is this very simple concept. Taking an interest in another person, asked them questions about themselves, their dreams, interest, projects, family, etc. And listening to their responses with interest. Yes, you or your child may have internal feelings of anxiety, fear, low self-confidence and a low sense of self-worth. But being interested and focusing on the other person; and asking them questions and listening. Guess what? That other person will experience you as a kind and interesting person. And subsequently likely invite you for further interaction, conversations and perhaps into their circle of friends. This is very simple. It is not magic; but it is an example of giving away what you want and therefore, receiving what you desire.
I am a fairly shy person. During my youth, I was a energetic wallflower, but reserved. Eventually I recognized that communication, interaction and connection were part of success and influence. It took me thousands of dollars and a four-year college degree in communication and psychology to figure this out. And then, a graduate degree and subsequently testing, experiencing and making a career of out of simply being interested and asking questions of another person. Save yourself time and money; this works! Whether you’re an adult and/or a parent, be interested and ask questions; make connections.
Peace, love and light!