Fear is Love Frustrated

ghostface couple lying on the grass and making a hand heart gesture

Everything is an opportunity to learn. Whatever is in your field of awareness presents an opportunity to learn from it. Realize there are layers of learning and meaning to an experience.

It is important to understand fear is an aspect of love. From last week’s post, fear is love frustrated. (http://lovechangegrow.com/reality-time-and-gravity/)

When fear arises, there are two options. You can run away from fear or you can face fear. Running away ends up in being chased all over hell. However, if you face fear, it is an opportunity to learn something.  But if you will have to stop, turn around and look at it. Often from exhaustion and desperation a person is sick and tired of being sick and tired. It takes faith and courage to face fears. The turning point is when you realize you are running away from yourself. That fear is your reaction. For example, if a person is afraid of spiders. A spider is not out to get you, but you have feelings of being uncomfortable. The place to investigate your fear of spiders is not the spider. But of your feeling of fear. In other posts, I’ve talked about fear is a great teacher. In the post of the wrathful and peaceful deities (http://lovechangegrow.com/wrathful-and-peaceful-deities/). When you face the wrathful deities (fear), they reveal themselves as peaceful deities. 

Frustrated Love

For instance, a person who is yelling and screaming, angry, out of control, and responding to their subjective sense of the world. They may experience their world as oppressive, scary, unfair, disrespected, etc. It is very easy to respond to that person with fear, indigency, and confusion, a response of fight, flight, or freeze. If you respond fearfully… it’s off to the circus, boxing ring, or a shitshow of some proportion.  

However, if you recognize they are in fear, and you do not need to be fearful. You can elevate your observation that the person is merely frustrated. It is usually a matter that they don’t understand their situation either/or both internally (subjectively) and externally (perceptively). Which result in feelings of desperation, hopeless, powerless, lack of skills and resources, lack of options. It’s a crisis. They don’t know what to do and thus are acting out. In psychological terms, they are overwhelmed, lack of awareness and skills to navigate the situation. And perhaps regressed to a lower level of functioning; like a child having a tantrum. Fear and anger is frustrated and have lost an awareness of love.  


As a parent, friend, teacher, therapist, etc. you can hold space for them and just be a witness. (http://lovechangegrow.com/the-gift-of-empathic-witness-mh2/) It is an opportunity for them to understand what they’re fearful of. The role and approach is to just listen and provide a space for that person to express their fear. And in that expression, they have the space to discover their fear. To see what their fear is, when it happens, where why and how. No reason to get excited or argue because they are really fighting, being angry, out of control with themselves (even though it might be direct towards you, it’s not about you). Do not engage or be defensive, argue or fight; merely be a witness to their experience of pain and suffering. Abiding in compassion and grace provides is the opportunity for the upset person to experience something other than their usual fear. Instead, they experience, “oh I’m mad, upset and angry, etc.” It provides the person an opportunity to experience something beyond their fear; fighting, fleeing and freezing response.


They realize “you’re not fighting with me, what’s the deal?” What is happening? All my other experiences create a great shitshow. Am I fighting with myself? How is that? Why is that? 

By being a witness, you are providing a mirror. The enraged person has the sovereignty to choose or not, to look in the mirror. But if they do, it is an experience to see themselves. And when they see themselves, it’s just a matter of asking good questions. 

The Questions

The lesser questions of fear are about what, when, where, how, and why. These questions keep the swirling cesspool… agitated. However, agitating the cesspool can create a bit more pain and suffering. But can have the counter-intuitive effect of increasing motivation and resolve to move beyond fear.

The greater questions to transform fear are about “who are you, what is your passion and what do you want to do about it?” These questions lead a person toward becoming more than their experiences of themselves. It plants seeds of whom they might become if they choose to make the effort. 

Frequently, the person recognizes you differ from all other folks. Yet all you did was to offer a novel experience. One of compassion and grace so that they could see themselves not needing to be enwrapped in fear. But as more empowered, with options and the ability to be sovereign. 

You… revisited

You realize there is no reason to be fearful or to fight. It is appropriate to hold space and listen (witness) their experience. By telling their story of anger, fear, frustration, etc. it will become clear. You will become more confident in being compassionate, graceful, and holding space for them. You realize you don’t have to be angry, righteous, or recoil. All there is to do is abide in your presence and extend it to include them. Offering this new experience, they can look at themselves and experience themselves in a new light… instead of continuing to stumble around in their darkness. 

They May… 

They may ask why is this happening to me? I don’t like this. I want to do something else other than to be fearful, angry and frustrated. The hope is that they recognize that feelings of fear or discomfort are signals or the cues to pay attention. To ask the questions of “what, when, where, why and how” are these feelings of fear happening? They learn that fear is an opportunity to become fearless and to be compassionate and graceful toward themselves. Learning that fears are challenges, that when faced become allies or friends, which give gifts of insight, empowerment, and confidence. They recognize fear is an expression of love that is frustrated and yearning to be free, to shine… to be… to love.


The other thing about being compassionate and graceful is sovereignty. Sovereignty is the notion of an opportunity (for both parties) to experience and discover something new. However, that does not mean that you need to do something for the other person. All you are doing is offering a bit of refuge from the storm and a few bits of cheese, i.e., wine and cheese therapy… lol. It is their sovereignty and responsibility to decide if they want to discover and learn something new. 


All you can do is shine your light and perhaps it inspires them to imagine and/or envision something new for themselves. If a person cannot imagine or become inspired to do something different, it’s difficult to become motivated and intend to do something different. 

How does imaging something new to happen? Through seeing or experiencing something new or novel that inspires, challenges, or motivates. It’s simple: “see one, do one, teach one and then be one.” By being one… you shine light and inspire. Ask a person “what inspires them? Or what is your passion, love, and joy?” This question plants a seed or germinates a long-forgotten seed to come alive. Or if they are aware of their light… dreams, passion, joys; they love the opportunity to share it. This is how light is passed on and shines brighter.

Do not overstep their sovereignty. Be graceful and compassionate. Understanding that we all and have been there. Be patient, compassionate and graceful. Give them the space to discover themselves. Just shine a light so that they might see. They must discover and follow their path. No reason to get excited or argue… merely state an observation or a question to consider. 

The Progression

It is a progression of see, do, teach and be. A progression of encounter or initiation (experience), becoming, sharing, and to be. Understanding this progression, it becomes quite easy to be. To realize, become the light, to shine and be the light. The experience is both intimidating and awe-inspiring.

Let Love Lead

Fear pushes and love pulls. 

The heart’s orients your being.

The heart holds love.

Love connects.

Feeling lost, disoriented, confused or don’t know which direction to go? Ask, where is your joy, passion, love?

Follow your joy, passion, dreams.

Let Love Lead.

Ask your heart where is your joy, passion, love.

Love points the way. Love is your NorthStar and your heart is your compass.

The brain, mind, and consciousness are the tools of navigation… of how to get there.

And “being” is the journey on the path… thus Be!

Awareness and consciousness are the tool of building and creating. It helps us to figure out how and what to do. Whether we are building a garden shed or planting a garden, there is a process, a plan, logistics of what to do when. It helps us to figure out how to flow and be an alignment with the heart.

The heart shows or leads us where to go and consciousness helps us figure out get there.

Love and Gravity

Let’s characterize gravity is the glue, articulation, and extractive force that enables the particle to differentiate from the quantum wave reality. Gravity is the force that coalesces a part of the quantum realm to manifest. Causing something to become coherent, clear, comprehensible, definite, and is self-evident by its elegant existence.

What if gravity is love?

Love makes reality coherent, clear, comprehensible, definite, and is self-evident in its elegant existence. What if love bridges the gap between classical and quantum physics? Common-sense notes that love is involved in creating. Love is involved in making new connections. The more love, the more mass, and the more attraction… gravity?. 

Love and Fear Attract

Both love and fear attract… the issue is how does love and fear attract?

Fear attracts by an individual’s aversion or recoil. Running away creates a vacuum for fear that is sucked in and follows. This vacuum or drag sucks in our fears, demons and anxieties that closely follow us around. The faster we run, the closer they get because of the increased vacuum. At the level of our resistance, there is the equal and opposite force of persistence; whatever we resist, persist… it’s still attraction! 

Fear Resolves 

Fear is the shadow, a part of you that chases you around. Fear is frustrated love. Recognize fear wants to resolve to love. Fear presents as wrath and anger. Fear wants love. It just doesn’t know what is love, nor how to love. And needs some help in resolving to love. Fear wants recognition, release, and transformation. Recognizing fear is the lack of love. By creating space for fear to experience love, as compassion and grace. Then fear can become aware of love and choose love. 

Protector, Gatekeeper and Master Teacher

Fear is also the protector, gatekeeper, and master teacher. There is no way around fear, fear is the way. Fear is the portal or the opportunity to love. One must become fearless, courageous and understand the subtilties of love and fear. To become love. By filling the vacuum or gap with love, fear can feel and experience love. Compassion and grace allow fear to feel and experience the spectrum from fear to love. This experience begins to melt and transform fear and darkness into light and love. The experience of fear helps to resolve, motivate, and protect a person on the path of transformation. The transformation can happen in a blink of an eye or over many years… lifetimes, it’s a sovereign choice. 

Be heavy and massive love… 

What if love collapses into itself? Does love die? Or does it explode darkness… to light?



Published by Love Change Grow LLC

Counselor and crisis consultant of 25 years. Providing education about how to navigate change.

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