The Love Connection, Part 2: The fear paradox: we fear what we need.
Fear is love frustrated and unconnected. In life, what we resist persists. Our resistance connects us to something that is irritating and agitates us.
This post is about the other side of Love… Fear. Love and fear are basically two sides, perspectives, or appearances. Many folks think of love and fear as two completely different things. It is more useful to think of love and fear are two sides of the same coin.
Love Connects: A brief review from “The Love Connection: Part 1”
https://lovechangegrow.com/love-is-the-connection-part-1/: Fear Is What You Love To HateStarting with a brief review of the love connection that lays the foundation and understanding of the discussion of the fear paradox. The fear paradox is, “we fear what we need.” We tend to run away from our fears and try to ignore them. The more we ignore these fears the bigger they become. Yet after we face and deal with them, we find that it was not such an ordeal and in fact they were great lessons.
Life on earth is the study of the love connection. Earth school is where we come to specialize and do a deep dive into what is love. You can look at life on earth as learning to love. What is love? Love is when we close the gap and make the connection via making a choice. Using our sovereignty to choose. Choosing to be in our integrity, compassion, and gracefulness; choosing to connect to being in love. Hope and faith are the handmaidens of love. They are almost love, yet one step removed. They are still becoming love. First being surrounded (external) by love. Second, “being in love (internal state).” Third is the ascension and transfiguration to be love. Lastly to shine love. One cannot do anything else but be the embodiment of compassionate, graceful with integrity, being and shining love. The issue is that we have forgotten that we are love.
The Fear of Love
Some folks are terrified and try to hide. Ashamed, horrified, or unable to acknowledge they are more than they could be. While others are joyful, bask, and dance in the blissful warmth of love. And yet failing to acknowledge their capacity to BE love. There is still a slight gap, but it is an enormous leap to BE love.
This seem to be audacious and ridiculous. When a person loves, the world changes because you have changee. When we experience love, we are in bliss and enraptured. When a person is in love, it is self-evident, i.e., an experience that cannot be denied. Those people will say I know because I have experienced love. All of this is true and wondrous. Yet remains elusive. Until one surrenders to being love. One (individual or ego) cannot step into love but must surrender into love and become love. The ego self is like the camel, unable to pass through the eye of the needle. Being love, there is no self or other… there is only love which easily passes through the needle’s eye.
What, when, where, why, and how of love are the challenges on earth school. Mother earth is the graduate school to get a PhD (pile it higher and deeper). It’s the finishing or post doctorate residency. This residency is where we get to demonstrate our knowledge of love. Via our analysis, synthesis, evaluation, implementation, innovation, and execution. We become, create, and discover we are the embodiment of love. Since you are reading this, you know this is nothing new. So, let’s jump into the deep end of the pool.
The Fear Paradox
Whatever happens, just know when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Fear is a master teacher. And a crisis that appears can be a massive opportunity. Crisis and opportunities, challenges us to love. To make the connection. Even the wicked, unclean, and horrifying are opportunities to choose love. To be compassionate and graceful. It is a step toward ascension. To change the world via changing yourself, our experience of the world changes.
The Crisis of Why
To navigate through a crisis, it is helpful to develop four perspectives of “why” is this crisis happening? First is the past; what are the factors of the past? Basically, learning from the past to avoid repeating the same outcome. The second “why” is clarifying what, where, and why we want our future to be. It is finding our meaning and purpose. So that we have an idea, orientation, and compass point. The third “why” is what can we do “now?” Recognizing that this is the gap, the place where we decide our what is our journey in each moment. This determines what and how to be on our journey. The last “why” is your view of yourself? They are the internal questions of “who am I,” what qualities shall “I be,” how shall “I act,” and what shall “I claim,” etc.? These four “why” questions are the foundation, orientation in which to navigate. It is simple, where have I come from, where am I going, and how do I navigate this journey regardless of what happens? Essentially, how and what questions are about claiming “I am!” Am I fearful or confident in my navigation? Do I navigate from a perspective or position of fear or of love? It is the navigation to and of “who am I?”
Love is the why, the way, and the how. Your response (fear or love) are opportunities and up to you. The teacher (i.e., are the challenges and fears) that appears before you. This means that you, the student is ready! Usually, we think the student picks the teacher… which is true at one level. But at another level, often the student feels “what the hell is happening? I did not sign up for this shit show. Why me?” But the appearance of the teacher ought to be reassuring. Because the teacher would not appear otherwise.
Beast Mode
Perhaps the difficulty and challenges is choosing the “hard or beast mode” of learning. Challenges are not about us, but “for” us. Have we chosen to be motivated? The ancient axiom is “when the student is ready the teacher appears. And when the student is really ready, the teacher disappears.” So, what are we ready for… teacher or no teacher? Lol When the teacher disappears, the student enters the path of becoming. It’s like the journey of the prodigal son or hero/heroine’s journey. And when he/she returns home, heaven’s doors open to a heavenly celebration and feast.
Faces of Fear
Fear is resistance. Judgement hampers the flow of love. Fear’s purpose is to bring up or point out areas of resistance. What we resist persists. If we are reluctant to look, examine and perhaps make it one of our allies. Then it (fears, demons, and anxieties) continues to chase us all over hell. Which certainly gets our attention… but the examination of fear is difficult.
Fear wants to connect. The question is how do you connect? By fighting it, resisting it, examining it, recognizing it, befriend it; or something else? Fear wants it all. This is because each battle is a different lesson. But once we realize the purpose of fear. Which is to become aware that it is a lesson. And examine, understand, and learn from fear. Then it works with us. This is because we recognize fear for what it is and does for us. Through our connection with fear, we come to appreciate a healthy and allied relationship with fear.
The Positive Face of Fear
Fear is a great protector, a holder, and taskmaster. Fear is the great teacher second only to love. At one level, fear wants to love, but it doesn’t know how? Fear holds on, it resists. It does not realize it needs to let go. If it lets go, what will happen, a loss of its control? Afraid of its own breakdown, afraid of the unknown breaking open and no concept of breaking through…and to what? Fear only knows control and chaos. Fear is unable to figure out how to surrender and be serene. Fear feels locked in a cage of despair and desperation a hellish state of frustration, agitation, and wrath.
One must face fear, examine it directly. Fear will see that you are not afraid of its wrath. Fear will test your courage and resolve. Seeing that you do not flinch, are immoveable and non-judging; it is perplexed. And seeing that you do not battle, change, or judge it; fear will wonder what or who is this that is more powerful than I? For I am fear! Furthermore, fear does not know what to do when you offer the experience of compassion and gracefulness (without fear-no fear). Fear bows down. It relaxes, unties, dissolves, and releases its wrathful appearance into the flow. Feeling liberated and free, it gives the gift of itself, i.e., the understanding of fear. That it is a protector, holder, and a master gatekeeper of love. The issue as always, is what do you choose to do with this gift? On one hand, fear is a master teacher. On another hand, fear needs your help to release into the flow of love. And another, is fear becomes an ally. You are the holder of fear and its liberator.
The Holder of Fear
Holding fear is about connection and reaction to love and fear. How do we connect and react with fear versus love? With fear it is recoil, aversion, avoidance of not wanting to connect. Our feelings are visceral and direct; pulling us into the dread, terror, and horror; into the darkness. Versus love is also direct but releasing. It is joyful, warm, inviting us into the light. The body responds with increased heart rate, sweating, shaking, and muscle tension, whether it’s love or fear. Both fear and love are about expectation, anticipation, and heightened senses. It is like energy and excitement. But one is of anxiety and fear, while the other is envelopment and love. It’s a difference of perspective and interpretation. Of course, perspective and interpretation are part “set and setting.” And “set and setting” is based on your prior experience, metaphor, or understanding, i.e., your perspective and interpretation. This leads to a huge and deep rabbit hole that is not useful for our discussion; except to note our childhood influences the program or world view of our self, world, and future. Yet with a bit of awareness, we can change our perspective and interpretation. Fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, depression, suicide, etc. is an enormous rabbit hole. Suffice it to note that a simple approach is to think and observe fear is love frustrated. (Link to parenting.)
The Strategy
This is quite simple, not necessarily easy, but doable and it gets easier with experience. The overall blueprint is simply “love change and grow.” It’s a curriculum, that is all it is. All we need to do is love, change, and grow. Your heart, (love) selects what to grow, who you aspire to be, or where you want to go. Your head/mind/ego figures out the plan or logistics of how to make it happen. The head understands the metaphor of gardening. And growing about experience and understanding cycles of growth, of the seasons. It is synching with the cycles of growth (gardening). Expanding and becoming more than what you are now. The heart selects the seeds or destination. Your head understands the logistical blueprint of planting seeds, preparation of the spring, working the garden in the summer and harvesting the fruit of your labor. And winter is introspection for the gardener. It’s a very simple outline, blueprint, template, or strategy. Learning this is easy. A matter of your choice, motivation, and determination. It doesn’t matter if it takes a long time, a hard path or not. It is your choice. Choose you must; either through your actions or not.
Love and Fear are About Connection
A way to think about love and fear is that it is connection, flow and where you end up. Versus fear is a resistance or recoil. It tries to disconnect from the connection. What we resist persists and the more we resist the stronger the connection. It is similar with two magnets. If the two magnet poles are the same, they repel the closer they get, the stronger the repulsion. Yet if one magnet (you) can switch its pole, then they attract, and a connection is made. The connection becomes the current and flows. The connection is it made. That’s how to think and feel about fear. Fear gets released and flows. It flows toward the ground. It gets grounded and resolves to love. In a sense, becoming the grounded connection is like being a lightning rod. A build-up of static electricity (fear) searches or needs to become grounded. And when this static electricity becomes grounded, it makes a hell of a show but is relatively harmless and not much of a mess. When you are in resistance to fear, you can get fried to a crisp; toasted, burnt. But as a lightning rod, you must know what you are doing. Which is just letting the energy run through you. Not creating any resistance such as judgement or trying to hold on or hold back. Just let fear (energy) ground out. You can’t avoid fear, but you can understand it. Understanding what it is, how it works and how to deal with it.
Fear Wants to Connect
Understand that fear wants to connect. To understand fear, go into it. Observe and examine fear without attraction or repulsion. Fears are lessons about connection. Fear is not inherently good, bad, or ugly, but it is powerful. Fear can be a protector, guardian, gatekeeper, and masterful teacher. Whether fear burns you or teaches you depends on you, i.e., how you respond. Once you understand and have experience, it can be a useful on rare occasion. Fear is like the wrathful deities. Chasing you all over hell until you decide I’m sick and tired of this. This is terrible. I’m not connecting. I’m not flowing and so you turn around and face the wrathful deity. The deity changes into its inherent quality of being a peaceful deity and gives your gift. The gift being the lesson and the opportunity to connect. Fear is like an alarm, signal, cue or challenge and opportunity to learn. To again connect and flow with love.
Fear is Love Frustrated
Fear is love frustrated or fear is frustrated love. Because it wants to connect. Another way to look at this is through the wrathful deities. The wrathful deities are your fear, demons, and anxieties chasing you all over hell. They chase you because they want to connect with you, but you continue to run away from them. You continue to run away from them until you are exhausted, sick and tired of being sick and tired. Finally, you stop, and say to yourself “I’m exhausted, I don’t know what is going to happen, this is crazy.” The only thing left to do is to turn around and face whatever has been chasing you. Perhaps exhausted or you’ve screwed up enough courage or you have given up “surrendering” to your fateful demise. As you look at this horrific thing that has been chasing you; transfixed, unable to look away. The only thing is to notice it is an opportunity for a close examination. The wrathful deity reveals itself and changes into its rightful appearance of the peaceful deity who has been running after you to give you your gift. A gift of insight. The insight of understanding the brilliance of fear. It forces a person to look at it and ask the questions of why, what, when, where, and how is this happening? As we ask these questions, the answers reveal clarity of what we can do. It leads to the discovery of how to become connected. How to “be” the connection and flow the connection… which is love. Side Note: Don’t forget to breathe and maintain your mental, emotional, and physical equanimity. https://lovechangegrow.com/wrathful-and-peaceful-deities/
Vipassana https://lovechangegrow.com/breath-and-mindfulness/
Pain and Suffering
Another way to look at the purpose of pain and suffering is to become aware. Awareness enables us to do something. If a person is unaware of various situations, they are less likely to do something about it, i.e., change. Second if a person has no sense of “agency,” or power they cannot do anything about their situation but suffer as a victim… and often ignorantly. Pain and suffering are opportunities to become aware and investigate what, when, where, how, and why? Then question, i.e., what are you going to do, is a matter of your free will. You can choose to suffer or be joyful for the opportunity of awareness and the recognition that you can change.
The Gap of Fear
We cannot recognize fear without some separation or distance. Thus, the gap of fear. When one is in fear, fear is felt, i.e., or experienced. Fear is difficult to observe while in a terrifying storm. Yet it can be done. There is anticipatory fear (anxiety) and there is a reflection or pondering about the experience of fear which has already occurred. Both pre and post fear are gaps or spaces from the storm. But one can observe the storm while it rages with techniques such as vipassana.
Psychologically, it takes turning around and look at what is fearful. Which is looking into yourself; to go within and examine what, where, how, and why of your response, i.e., fear. Asking these questions, you learn from your fear. It is discovering and then knowing fear is also an opportunity to cross the gap of fear. Looking down at the abyss within, we stand up and walk across the bridge with audacious sovereignty, discovering our integrity, learning to be open, compassionate, and graceful. In crossing, we are grateful for the opportunity of crossing the gap on the bridge of fear that reveals its true nature of a bridge of love, a rainbow bridge. We have become aware, to change, and do something different from fear. We become the bridge, the connection for love to flow. When we recognize that we have a choice to do something different, we can do something different, and thus become different. We have transformed lead (fear) into love (gold). Understanding this process, we are fearless and begin being creators of our reality.
Fear Not… The Wrathful Deities
Look at fear as the opportunity, the gap, and the decision to change. Fear Not!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalms 23:4)
I wonder whether it is the wrathful and peaceful deities of Tibetan Buddhism, the Psalms of Christianity, the “vision quest” of the Sioux, the Homeric poems of the Iliad and Odyssey, the Hero/Heroine’s journey? Are these the ethnic historical renditions of a psychological journey or are they a psychological projection on to which we experience of life? It doesn’t matter. They are symbolic stories or tools that help individuals and cultures to move from being in fear and to go beyond fear, pain, and suffering. To discover their sovereign being, compassionate, graceful, and loving regardless of wrath and fear.
The Head and the Heart
This is not rocket (missile) science when we understand the structure and process of the challenge and opportunity. Using the “heart” is a direct connection to experience. The heart knows the experience of fear and love. It doesn’t need some explanation, academic model, or paradigm. Fear wants to connect but is unable. Fear frustrated, angry, irate, depressed, and lonely in its isolation becomes a wrathful monster. The heart experiences and knows. The head is the logistical strategist, tactician, and analyst handling the when, where, and how. And consciousness, i.e., awareness and free will decide the type of connection… love or fear.
Fear… What is fear?
Fear being trapped, blocked, and frustrated, becomes anger, depression, isolation, and despair. Fear contracts into itself becoming more isolated. It is like rage in a cage not knowing what to do. It doesn’t understand to go in to get out of the cage.
How does fear work? By separation, re-coil, and aversion; not knowing how to nor experience connection. But fear also creates a space for observation. Separation allows us to see, to become aware. Fear knows there is connection but only knows of the “anti-connection” by pushing away, repulsion, and aversion. Fear pushes out. It does not know to go inward… to face itself, unaware of this essential connection. The only way is through fear. To become fearless. Recognizing that fear is a protector, gatekeeper and the path of an unseen bridge that crosses the abyss. Whatever you do, don’t look down! Lol… really, don’t look down, because looking down, one tends to go where they are looking. Besides then, you are not attending to your state of being.
Fear has not Experienced Connection of Love
Fear does not recognize itself as the hamster in the cage, running on the wheel thinking if it runs fast enough something will happen. Indeed, what happens is exhaustion. The exhaustion of fear. Which is the breakdown. Then one breaks open, to break through to connect. The next is the break open. Breaking open is the realization that one is worthy of connection. And the breaking open opens to the receptivity to break through. The breaking through is the realization there is the possibility of connection. And one busy themselves in the experience and skills to connect. But first, one must become sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Why is there fear?
It forces awareness.
A cue to investigate your awareness.
An awareness to change.
It motivates!
It’s a teacher.
In Summary
In life, we have all kinds of connections, primarily classed as love or fear connections. Sometimes either of these can be long and drawn out and other times it can be instantaneous. And the effects can be instantaneous or linger or are not recognized until much later in life. Also, we never know what the connections or how it affects others in their life. Sometimes these are brief connections. Even though brief, it may have long-term or even multi-generational effects. Connections can be infinite and entangled. Stretching throughout multi-dimensions. You are much more than you think, so be mindful, be compassionate, be graceful, be love.
The point of this post, it’s to understand fear. Fear contracts versus love expands. The contraction of fear, creates space. And in this space is the opportunity of awareness. An awareness that fear can resolve (dissolve) and expand into love. It is important to understand that fear is complementary to love. Fear, if given half a chance or opportunity, it wants to expand to love. Most important, fear comes to you, seeking a path (connection) to love.
Fear is like a lost, abandoned, or orphaned puppy… cold, wet, and hungry. A hot mess of not knowing what to do, being highly anxious, traumatized, unable, unknowing who or what to trust. But the puppy knows it wants love and to love. You have found or this puppy has come to you. What shall you do?
Why Love Connects
For joy
To define ourselves by interacting with the other.
By discovering ourselves, we discover others.
By discovering others, we discover ourselves.
Expanding infinite.
What else is there to do but be?
Just be!
Why even ask why… when one can believe.
Believe, is the be-living in the “Being.”
Being is the answer.
Be Sovereign
Be Joy.
Be Compassion.
Be Grace.
Be Love.
Be.
Love!
When fear experiences love, it might take only an instant or it might take a long series of experiencing connections (love). Fear learns to surrender and release into the flow of love.
Blessings,
Tim
P.S. Fear is an enormous, infinite rabbit hole. It is important to have some understanding of what fear is. How it works and why it exists. Without understanding fear, we are victims. Fear is almost as powerful as love. But fear is a blunt instrument compared to love’s gracefulness.
Do an internet search of fear. Remember, Love is a wonderful rabbit hole.
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12144-020-00809-x