The Hell of Breakdown, Breaking Open, and Breakthrough

Breakdown, Break Open, Breakthrough is a pattern. Each stage has its special kind of hell. A process of death, rejuvenation, and rebirth. It involves a grinding chaos, the isolation of renewal and redirection in the gap, and the pangs of birth, growth, and journey along a new path. 

This week’s post is about the process of changing. Considering all the changes that are happening, it is important to understand this pattern. There are hosts of truisms about change. “Change is the only constant, All Things Must Pass, be the change you wish for (M Gandhi),” etc. Understanding the process of change is a great help in these seemingly uncertain times.

Awareness of Breakdown

There are several levels of perspectives concerning a breakdown. They can be the ending of a paradigm. It can be chaos. Chaos is also a perspective which no longer works. What is known no longer makes sense nor is no longer relevant. One can feel confused, overwhelmed, and anxious. Often, fear is anticipatory. A fear of what might happen, or the unknown. It can also be “how to respond” perhaps from lack of experience, skills, and lack of understanding the dynamics of the situation and how to handle it.

Often, one of the first signs of change is awareness. It is an awareness that something is not working. But sometimes it takes dynamite to wake us up. Awareness is a cue or signal to dive into figuring out what specifically is not working. It is what, when, where why and how. Often, we discover it’s not a thing but the who. Who needs to understand? Whether it’s me or them, self or other. Even this is difficult to distinguish. At some point, a person knows change comes from within. To change the world, the circumstances, or situation, it is easier to change oneself. One’s understanding, perspective, experience, history, etc.  

Awareness then begs the question of when and how. The when, is when we understand or discover the opportunity. The most opportune time is now. When we become aware. Awareness has concluded that it is easiest to change oneself, so why not now? What remains is how to change? The how is not doing… but dropping. It is possible that dropping one’s limited understanding, perspective, beliefs, history, etc. It is what we are holding on to. The how is simply the act of… instead of holding on to some worn out and old conceptions or such. The how is releasing one’s grip, letting go, dropping it? Figuratively turning over and opening your hand to receive. This is the breaking open. It is changing from a position of “holding on for dear life” to a position of release and have room to receive. When one is open, they can receive. 

Break Open

The breaking open leads to an awareness of the opportunities. Opportunities to break through. Because we are no longer focused on holding on, we are open to possibilities and opportunities. If we are aware of our joys, dreams, passions, loves. Then we can recognize the opportunities which are presented and align with our meaning and purpose. And our meaning and purpose is the embodiment of our love and passion. We all come in to being with our individual talents, resources, and Acorn/DNA/blueprint. The challenge is to notice our Acorn (theory) and grow via our meaning and purpose. 

IME

In my experience conducting crisis MH evaluations, frequently involved a version of this process. A person in crisis, feeling like their life was falling apart would be brought in for an MH evaluation. Indeed, something was falling apart, but it was not their life. What was breaking down was their interpretation or perspective (understanding) of their experience of life, but not life itself. In fact, it was life struggling to adapt, to reinvent or rebirth itself. The problem was that the individual had difficulty letting go of what was no longer working. Often feeling they must hold on for dear life. This caused anxiety, fear, and exhaustion. Which was holding on to their misperceptions about what was happening. Essentially a deep existential fear. Most times, they mistakenly thought they were going crazy. But nothing could be further from the truth. 

Sacred Story Space

The routine was to quietly and attentively listen to their story. In part to understand what was happening to them. And to develop an empathic and supportive relationship. The empathic connection is a rarity. Conceivably, we are rediscovering the interaction of the heart. Having a person listen without judgement, agenda, opinion, or response is healing. This is the heart song… a story of the sinner, the blues, and the wharf rat. They are the songs of redemption. Many of great songs in any generation or genre are of redemption. https://lovechangegrow.com/the-gift-of-empathic-witness-mh2/

A person who feels you have listened, understood, and validated their experience is often more open to what you offer. Whether it is a perspective, opinion, or recommendation for their consideration. This is important to understand as we move through these challenging times. It only takes a few minutes and allows us to avoid all kinds of distractions and arguments, while gaining a crucial opportunity for healing.

Breaking Open

The crucial opportunity is the positioning of a supportive “breaking open.” A person often breaks down when they are completely overwhelmed, exhausted and at their wits’ end. This is the unsupported break down. Complete with fear, anxiety, feeling crazy and sometimes psychotic or unable to respond in any reasonable manner. However, the “supported” breaking open happens when a person feels respected, supported, and understood and has an empathic connection. They still have similar fears, anxieties, exhaustion and at their wits’ end but they can release and let go. They know that they have an empathic space or bubble wrap that will protect them. It is a sacred space or safety net to fall into. It’s still scary as hell to let go and fall.

Falling or Rising

Here is the thing: when they let go, often they feel unburdened, lighter, and perhaps float. Huh… floating, not falling, not crashing, not dying… still alive… whoa what is this? This is frequently an unfamiliar experience for the person. They have not lost their mind. An odd feeling, unattached to the old stuff and no longer worried. They feel free and yet are not only alive, but more alive with more possibilities for living.

The Breakthrough

Now is the opportunity to ask them, “now what?” What are you going to do? A tad of a Side Note: The question is not “what do you want to do?” This is an easy and immature question that leads to all kinds of diversionary dreaming and wandering about. The superior question is “what are you going to do?” This question forces a person to think. To think about and consider their resources, abilities, situation, and opportunities. But more importantly, it forces them to own and invest in themselves. The underlying presumption is that it is their decision, commitment, responsibility, and sovereignty.

Love, Change, Grow

Ladies and gentlemen, this is then the opportunity to become and be Love, Change, and Grow. Love Change Grow is merely a strategy, method, model, approach, an operating system, or software program, etc. It is simply a matter of being. Be love, be change and grow.

It’s an easy 5–10-minute presentation of these concepts. The beauty and elegance are that it is simple, intuitive and does not need to use a bunch of psychological, religious, or other mumbo jumbo. (Of course, I am guilty of an infinite diatribe deep into the weeds). 

The Basic Operation:

You have a choice… your fears, demons, and anxieties can chase you all over hell… or you can chase your passions, dreams, and joys. What are you going to do? It is your sovereignty. The simple question of “what do you love to do, what is your joy, what is your passion, etc.? And what are you going to do about it? This is a direct path that can avoid all the mucking around of the past. A direct expressway to the heart. It’s the shortcut. It does not matter where you have been, what has happened, what you’ve done or who you are. What matters is your being. Who are you, (the I am proclamation). And what are you going to do about it? If or when you know you are love, are surrounded by love and can be nothing other. You ascend and all other reality bows down. Reality changes “be-fore” you. It’s basically the question that leads you on the path to a new (or renewed) life. A rebirth, to be born again. A transfiguration or ascension into being… where death does not matter or has no sting. 

The Break on Through

The breakthrough is the conceptual framework and process. In a sense, it’s a recipe for life. When a person recognizes they are a chef, they gather the ingredients, prepare, cook, and serve up their life. We all have trials and tribulations. They are the unexpected challenges in life. The teachers that appear when we are ready to learn. And disappear when we have learned.  Be gracious, graceful and have gratitude.

The break open is the piece where it’s a release of the fear energy but it’s also a surrender. I do not know what’s going to happen, but this is not working so let’s give it up. Let’s surrender.  Let it go and so it’s the release of the burden, the release of the fear, the release of the expectations. It’s the stepping into the gap, stepping in to the unknown. The wit’s part is abiding in the gap. Abiding in the gap feels ambiguous. Yet it is understood that equanimity is the superior position while in the gap. When one has equanimity, they can recognize patterns. Specifically, being able to notice the patterns that align with their passions, meaning and purpose. Thus, they can recognize and grab those opportunities. It is an opening up, being receptive to new ideas, new thoughts, new ways of being, new possibilities to claim and then birth themselves. 

The break open is also the opportunity to use your superpower. Which is your freewill, the ability to choose, your choice. One cannot not choose. Every moment presents and opportunity… choose or choose not is still a choice. A deep understanding of this reality is the realization that you are the creator of your reality. You can think that each day is an opportunity to seize your reality. https://lovechangegrow.com/what-is-your-superpower/

A place to start is to focus on only making one fully consciousness/awake/aware decision today. The next day do the same. Soon you realize it’s easy to make two conscious decisions per day. In a few weeks, you realize a conscious ability to decide. And the rate speeds up exponentially (1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128, etc.). However, there is no longer any reason to count because you and your reality are changing as if by magic. But it is not magic, it is simply exponential math, a bit of freewill, learning to align your decisions to your passion. Quickly, you will operate beyond the cognitive level of processing… to an intuitive level. 

Your new reality is that possibilities and potential search for you. All you do is to look, decide and command it to be so. And it becomes reality. In this breakthrough, one realizes, I might as well do what I love. The question is what do I love? This is the question which aligns us to our passion. It becomes the lens that focuses us in to seeing the possibilities of love. Aligning and synchronizing us to divine potentialities. We recognize allies going in the same direction. We can envision (community). Become eager, breakthrough and fly in that direction. It is simply the willingness to take a step, and then another step and another step. Soon we realize each step is not an effort, but a joy. We joyfully dance along the path. We meet others going the same direction. Aligning with others, that becomes a movement, that becomes a reality. 

The Feelings

The breakdown is breaking down the fear. The break open is release of the fear. And the breakthrough is the discovery of our love. And the alignment with our love, joy, and passion. Now flowing with excitement. We have moved beyond fear or anxiety, to abiding in equanimity and then to the joy of being. Turning fear and chaos of an existential crisis into meaning and purpose.

Thoughts, Feelings, Behaviors, Consequences

For the analytical minded, use a framework and matrixes of “what, when, where, how, and why. And cross reference them with your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and expected consequences. This 5×4 matrix will help clarify where you cluster. And if you want a 3-D model, add a feelings vector (+5, 0, -5; magnitude and direction). Many folks decide based on their feelings.

Awareness and Potentials

Be mindful of your attention. Where are you looking? Is it a limiting or expanding attention? We go where our awareness and attention are focused. Yet the great thing is that you can change your awareness and focus and change your path. The pattern, processes of attention, or model is that of merely changing focus. Breakdown, i.e., fear is constricted or narrowly focused. Whereas breaking open is a release from being constricted to be expansive. To being able to notice other opportunities and potentials. And the breakthrough is aligning passion (acorn) with your meaning, purpose, and to the opportunities in your expanding field of attention/awareness. This is the path of the heart. Of course, you still need your head to figure out the niggly logistics of walking down the path so that you don’t fall or trip over yourself. https://lovechangegrow.com/consciousness-heart-and-field-ce-episode-1/

The Path

After the breakthrough, is the path. The new way, the wu-wei (Taoism). It’s the new adventure, a rebirth, path, paradigm of thinking and understanding. A new way of feeling, behaving, being… a novel experience, i.e., reality.

Be compassionate and graceful towards the folks that are stuck back in the old worn-out way. They are the reminder to not go back. Appreciate them for they motivate us. And in return, gracefully inspire and invite them. Respect their sovereignty. We do not know their path. Perhaps all we can do is to hold a sacred space for them to breakdown, break open and breakthrough. 

Side Note: Debriefing

The briefing of debriefing. If we do not conduct a debriefing after some situation, event, or trauma. What happens is the energy; the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors are blocked. Not releasing this energy prevents us from moving forward. The blocked energy is in resistance and unable to be “grounded.” We have not taken the opportunities to learn and expand our understanding. 

There is this trend: the first responders or the crisis team deals with the immediate situation and then hand off the case to the next provider. This essentially silos and blocks each party into their respective “duty.” Thus very few people understand the entire process, movement, or energy. It’s the divide-and-conquer mentality. The unfortunate thing that happens is that the energy is blocked and goes nowhere. And we (each party) becomes burned out because we are just repeating the same thing, over and over without resolution. The energy does not get released, grounded, nor resolves. This blockage is uncomfortable and becomes “dis-eased.” Thus, the person(s) (client, staff, and program) becomes burned out. Feeling ineffective and not able to meaningfully adapt, innovate, and improve.  

A debriefing is basically a review of what happened without judgment. What went well, what didn’t go well and what can be done differently the next time? Everyone gets to share their experience without judgement or consequences. It is a sharing of information and feelings. The understanding of the entire process from the precursors to event, to aftermath. The goal is to better understand the dynamics, our role and where we could do better; a “root analysis.” If the energy is not resolved or released, it can eat away and become PTSD. On the other hand, debriefing can help us be adaptive, innovative, and resilient. https://lovechangegrow.com/burnout-and-resilience/

The Range and The Curve

Remember, we are all on a spectrum or a bell curve. Some folks value and are stuck in the past. They are the historians which help us to not repeat the past mistakes and remind us of valuable lessons learned. Some folks are in the gap and just figuring out what to do. And some folks are already in the future, exploring and leading others to the beyond.

Survivor Or Thriver

A new way of being, whether it good, bad, or ugly depends on each individual’s response.

Sometime ago, I came across the notion that cultures which were destroyed, i.e., their history, customs, rituals were wiped clean via wars, natural disasters, etc. They were basically presented an opportunity of being free from the past. And presented the potential for an explosive change. In a sense, this was because they were unchained from their past. (Yet the past also has value via lessons of not wanting to repeat mistakes.) An example is that some cultures, worship their ancestors, or their lineage are an important glue or cohesion for their society. Yet on the other side, the societies in which their past has been obliterated (thus little connection to their traditions). These untethered societies have the potential to either become lost, assimilated into the predominant culture. Or they have the potential to stake out an innovative fusion in the emergent societal contexts. Of course, it depends on the response of the survivors. Whether they wallow in loss or relish in their newfound freedom. This is the age-old story of the immigrants. Our time as the immigrants of the future remains yet to be seen. The new comes from the dust of the past. Being an optimist, I am eager to see where this goes.

Thanks for hanging in on this post. It helps when we have a conceptual framework and process that works for our sovereignty. Hopefully, it gives some perspective that we always can change… to become and be. 

Blessings, 

Tim.